I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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