There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
