Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
