i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize