a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize