He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
