I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
