life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
literally had 100 drinks last night.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
