Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
