U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
