She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
