So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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