he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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