I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
