Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
