I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
