Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
