I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
