i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
