Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
