Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
