Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
