If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sober January is a disaster.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
