I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I bet he comes in French.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
