I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
