How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
