# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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