He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
