He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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