two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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