Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
