I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize