Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
