Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
