how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I want is dick and wine.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
