Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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