Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
