i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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