I'm so fucking centered right now
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
