Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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