I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
