I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
