Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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