You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
