so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize