I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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