I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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