Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
