your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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