I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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