I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
