dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
