Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
God I need to hump something, right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
