just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
