You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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