OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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