I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
