We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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