How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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