I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize