I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
