So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
