so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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