I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
