This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
