there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
