as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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