One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
