I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
