Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
