It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
