dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
