The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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