Sponge bath it is.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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