At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
