i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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