they need to just BURY HIM!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize