well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
