She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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