I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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