barbara walters just said penis...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was confusing and full of hummus
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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