Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
