I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
