He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
