I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm at about main and main street
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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